Hyper-independence is a form of extreme self-reliance that typically develops as a response to childhood trauma. It can have a significant impact on mental well-being, relationships, and functioning. Treatments can involve trauma-focused therapies to help overcome traumatic experiences and develop coping strategies for emotional distress.
- Hyper-independence is typically developed as a response to trauma, causing the individual to be extremely self-reliant.
- Hyper-independence can result in an inability to ask others for help, impaired social connections, and emotional difficulties.
- Symptoms of hyper-independence can be managed with the use of trauma-focused therapies and self-care strategies.
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What is hyper-independence?
Hyper-independence is a trauma response that causes a person to be extremely self-reliant and unable to trust others.
Healthy independence is learnt and developed during childhood and adolescence. Parents and caregivers model and teach children the necessary skills to help them manage personal, professional, and social situations and the ability to cope with various circumstances, asking for help from others when needed.
Hyper-independence is an extreme and maladaptive form of independence that causes people to struggle to trust others or ask for support. Hyper-independent individuals will attempt to achieve in all aspects of their life without input or help from others, regardless of their struggles, typically believing that they cannot or should not need any assistance. [1][2]
The roots of hyper-independence
Often, hyper-independence develops as a trauma response, typically relating to childhood trauma. During childhood and adolescence, parents and caregivers provide support to a young person that allows them to learn and develop their personality and independence within a safe environment.
If children do not have a safe environment – either due to abuse, neglect, or other traumatic experiences – the child may develop maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as hyper-independence. They learn that they cannot rely on others to keep them safe or provide for them; that they can rely only on themselves to meet basic needs. They may also have to provide for other family members, taking on a parental role. [2][3]
As such, hyper-independence is a belief that the individual must manage all aspects of their life alone and without asking for or accepting help from others.
Signs and symptoms: How to recognize hyper-independence in yourself and others
Signs of hyper-independence might include: [1][2][3]
- Never asking for help from others, even in situations that feel challenging
- Often feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or stressed, due to taking on too much
- Struggling to trust others, believing that people have malicious or dishonest intentions
- Being unable to delegate tasks or responsibilities to others
- Feeling unable to open up to others about emotions and vulnerabilities
- Being isolated and unable to form strong connections with others
- Believing it is shameful or embarrassing to ask others for help
- Believing that people who ask for help from others are weak or incapable
- Resenting people who ask them for help
- Facing all decision-making and responsibilities alone
- Feeling intense pressure to succeed
- Appearing withdrawn or emotionally closed off
- Experiencing an extreme fear of disappointing or being rejected by others
- Signs of other mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and substance use disorders
The impact of hyper-independence on mental health and relationships
Hyper-independence develops as a form of protection and can feel like an important aspect of an individual’s personality and behavior. It can help reduce negative emotions, such as shame associated with feeling incompetent or a fear of being let down by or disappointing others. However, these effects are often short-term and can lead to increased emotional concerns and isolation. [1][4]
Hyper-independent people struggle to trust others or allow themselves to be vulnerable, believing that others will disappoint or reject them. This can prevent them from sharing meaningful and emotional connections, potentially impacting friendships, relationships, and professional relationships. [1]
Because of this, hyper-independent individuals will often become isolated, which can significantly impact mental well-being, causing symptoms like depression, low self-worth, and anxiety. [2]
Additionally, the hyper-independent individual faces intense pressure from themselves to succeed and achieve in all aspects of their lives, which can cause immense stress and anxiety. Because they can never ask others for help, they experience a burden to manage any and all challenges they face alone, judging themselves harshly for any failures. [1][3]
Healing from hyper-independence: Therapeutic approaches and strategies
Because hyper-independence often emerges as a result of trauma, the best treatment approach will involve trauma-informed interventions. This might include: [2][3][5]
- Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT helps people recognize and modify harmful thoughts and behaviors, develop positive coping strategies, and reduce emotional distress.
- Attachment-based therapies: Attachment-based therapy focuses on the emotions, behaviors, and thoughts associated with interpersonal relationships that have developed in response to early attachments. This can help overcome the impacts of childhood trauma, such as parental neglect or abuse.
- Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR helps people overcome traumatic experiences with gradual desensitization. EMDR is a specialized treatment specifically designed to reduce distress resulting from severe trauma.
These approaches can help reduce the impact of past trauma and allow the individual to develop healthier coping strategies and skills to improve relationships and manage emotional difficulties.
Other strategies that can be beneficial in reducing these issues include: [6]
- Mindfulness, meditation, and yoga
- Engaging in physical exercise
- Relaxation techniques
- Breathing exercises
- Healthy habits and lifestyle changes, including diet and stress management
- Attending support groups
Balancing independence and connection
Hyper-independent people often struggle to form connections with others, feeling that their self-reliance and guardedness are protective factors to their well-being. If the hyper-independent person has begun to engage in the above-mentioned therapies and strategies, they may begin to learn how to open up to and trust others.
When developing a new friendship or relationship, people with these traits may take time to feel secure and will likely require understanding and patience. These relationships can benefit from clear boundaries and a balance between personal space and shared experiences.
It may be necessary to define the aspects of the relationship that are non-negotiable and those that can be worked on together. This can allow both individuals to feel that their needs are important and reduce the likelihood of confusion and tension while nurturing the developing connection.
When to seek professional help
Hyper-independent people may require professional help if: [1][3]
- Emotional distress caused by past trauma or current circumstances is impacting their well-being or leading to signs of depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues
- They are struggling with personal, professional, or social functioning due to their hyper-independence
- They are feeling overwhelmed and pressured to achieve, causing extreme stress and impaired mental and physical health
- They wish to develop skills to improve their interpersonal relationships
- They are experiencing flashbacks, extreme anxiety, or other trauma-related symptoms
- They are increasingly using drugs or alcohol to cope with their distress
A doctor or mental health professional can provide advice about appropriate treatment options and refer to specialist services as required.
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